My last post was almost three months ago. That's just shameful for me. I am usually better than that! To be honest my mind has been on overload, forsure. So much has happened in these last months, and yet from the outside our lives seem so much the same. We haven't moved. We haven't added anyone to the family, except for a kitten. Jon's job is the same, our lives appear to be the same. Appear...
We have had several birthdays. School has been crazy. Life has been crazy. Just after my last post Megan was hospitalized for an enlarged liver. They did several tests but could never figure out why it was enlarged and the general consesus was that her poorly controlled diabetes was at the root of the problem. It wasn't a fun time for her, or us and it sidetracked her on school. Everyday since then has been a struggle and yet for some reason even with all of that she still seems to "forget" that she has diabetes and goes about her day as though she were like everyone else. But she isn't like everyone else. Nights spent in the hospital, worry, prayers and all still seem to have no affect on this child. Jon and I worry non stop that it is going to take the loss of a foot, or her eyesight, or a kidney for her to figure it out. We desperately don't want it to come to that, but she is too old for me to babysit non stop. We want what every parent wants for their children. Happiness...
After a few October birthdays and a fun Halloween we got to November. I surely thought the arrival of my brothers twins and a nice Thanksgiving would be all we had to talk about that month. Just not so. The twins came safe and sound and are adorable and healthy. Great news! Not one week later Jon and I sat in the living room watching TV. In the one hour we sat there Colby got up to go to the bathroom at least every ten minutes. We sat there and talked about how he had been going a lot lately, was thirsty at night and was not quite himself. Jon told me to check his blood. I told him to do it. We both sat there a few more minutes until Colby got up again. I finally went in and checked his blood. It said 550. I checked my blood hoping the machine was wacko. It read 120, so I checked his again, and again it was high. I walked into Jon and broke the news. He almost laughed hoping I was joking, but knew I wasn't. That was it, another diabetic. Another thing to redefine our sense of "normal". Another child to take care of and worry non stop about on a greater level. We sat for another hour debating about when to take him to Primarys. Right then, or first thing in the am. We finally decided that he wasn't going to die before morning and we could get the kids off to school in a good way and then go. I cried when we told the kids the next morning, I cried all the way to the hospital and I cried on and off the next few days. Why was I crying so much? We walk this road everyday, we have done the diabetes thing for almost 15 years, we have two other children with it. Jon and I both know what we are doing. And we both knew what we were getting into. I think that's why I cried. That and the fact that Colby's whole life had changed. Forever. I am not sure people without diabetes knows just how much it affects the lives of those who have it. They can never eat anything without poking their fingers and giving themselves a shot. Or bolus on a pump. They will forever live with pain, uncertainty, carb counting and a lifetime of struggle. Diabetics are some of the strongest people I know. Like others who deal with cystic fibrosis, severe asthma and other diseases they will forever will be changed. I read recently that insulin is like having a person on life support. Without it, my children would die. They would die. They are on constant life support and it isn't an easy life. Now, having said all that I have to say this. My children are an inspiration to me. They test their own blood, read the numbers and stand bravely for each and every shot. They eat on a schedule and know that medication, syringes and doctors will be their constant companions through life and yet still smile everyday. They still laugh, play, sing and always inspire those around them. They are my heroes and they teach me everyday the will to live and live happily is born into children. We as parents only need to nurture that will and help them become the most amazing people they were born to be. I feel this way about all my children and when times like this come along I am retaught. Re inspired. Regenerated.
November started out like any other and turned into a teaching month. I have come away humbled, yet again, happy and sad, up and down. I came into December somewhat sad, very stressed, exhausted and a little down. But I will say that despite all of that I am so happy that despite the long struggle ahead of my children, they are with me. Thanks to those pioneers of modern medicine that have made that possible! Bring on Christmas...I will be so happy to look into the faces of all my children Christmas morning and know we have many more years together!
