I secretly like it

I will admit that for a while I secretly like it when my babies are sick. We all know that when any of the kids get genuinely ill they want to be cuddled, loved, catered to and given soda till they drop. But the babies, they are so darn sweet. When I want to cuddle one my little tiny kids they are usually running around, making noise, making messes and making me crazy. They might sit with me for 30 seconds or so. But that is it. Not the case when they are ill.

All my kids are sick right now, almost every last one of them. Only the few oldest have escaped it, which means my house is crazy, with me at the head of it cleaning like crazy, lysoling everything in sight and not stopping until I drop at the end of the day. However, I will stop for my little tiny boys that want to be held and loved while feeling not so good. They have both had fevers, which is the best time to cuddle them. Fevers are what usually leave them in a heap on the couch not wanting to even run around. Colby wants me stroke his hair and tickle his back. He keeps saying to me "Mom, will you go like this?" while brushing his bangs to the side. He wants to be close to me, his body still and calm while I play with his hair. I absolutely love that.

Then there's Skyler. Last night and this morning he has been running a fever of 103 and he just doesn't even want to get up. He is on the couch and he if I walk away he cries, in his tiny sick voice, "mommy....mommy....". Its the sweetest and the saddest sound all wrapped up into one. This afternoon I sat with him on the couch and then after a few minutes he was sort of leaning over on my arm. I scooped him up and held him tight to me. He snuggled into my chest and fell fast asleep. For once it was the only place he wanted to be. I held him, let him sweat on my chest for several minutes before laying him in his bed. I even had Joe take a pic with my phone and sent it to my sister Tracy. I knew she could relate because her little Carson has spent most of his winter sick. We can relate to each other with our sick babies.

I happen to love those moments with my kids. They always are on the go, never wanting to be held down to a momma's touch. They just have too much to do, see, destroy and take apart. I love this about my kids, but I have to admit, when they are sick I take those few days and get in as much cuddle time as I can. It's the only time they actually let me do it....

Finally!!!!

I can finally say it! I am pregnant! I have had to hold back on that one for 15 weeks now...15 weeks!!!! I am so glad I don't have to hide it anymore...I have so wanted to tell for about 2 weeks now. We have had to be so careful because of what has happened the last several babies. Well, after today I am officially attached to my sweet baby and I hope and pray with all I am worth that she hangs in there. Yes...she....we went to fetal fotos today and got to find out what she is. She was bouncing around in there and seemed very happy.

Yay for healthy babies!!!
Here is the newest and yes...the last Loutensock!

My little buddy

My days are loud. They truly are. But I am guessing I don't need to tell any of you that. This morning it was sincerely loud by 7:40 am. Jessi and Skyler were pounding around in the bathroom and making so much noise that Colby came out of his room, rubbing his eyes complaining that the other kids had woken him up. So to say what I want to we need to rewind an hour earlier in my day.

6 am. I hear the softest little voice from the room next to mine.
"Juicy..."
I know who it is and what they want. Not more than a minute later...
"Juicy..."
I get up, tired and aching, and walk into Megan and Skyler's room. I was thinking it was good that Megan is such a deep sleeper, once she gets to sleep. There is my baby sitting in his bed, completely wet from head to toes.
"Juicy momma?"
"You want some juice?"
"Wet momma...I wet..."
Yes he was. I got his juice, then stripped off the wet blankets, put dry ones down, took off his wet clothes and changed his diaper. After settling him back in I gave him some juice and quietly went back to bed knowing I would not be sleeping anymore.

He was quiet for a while, every now and again he would make some cute little noise, or some little sound and I would know he was just gearing up for his day. After a while he started in with the loud "MOM!" and I knew his bed was no longer good enough. I went and picked him up, got the toy dinosaur he wanted and took him to my bed. I knew this would only gain me maybe 5 more minutes, but those 5 minutes can be the best ever. I have done this almost everyone of my kids. If the house is quiet, they wake before anyone else then I know I can get my golden 5 minutes of cuddle time in. He happily crawled into bed with me, got under the covers and acted as though he was a bear settling in for a long winter hibernation. He was comfy, he was darling. We sat there under the covers of my warm bed staring at each other for a few minutes, and he even let me stroke his hair. He would wriggle here and there, and then rearrange himself a bit and settle again. When the appeal of the house, the toys and the constant adventure that is in a toddlers mind became too much for him to bear he quietly slid off my bed and was gone. As he slid away I could see the look on his face. It's as though he knew what I wanted and he didn't want to hurt my feelings by leaving me there, but he just couldn't stand it anymore. He had to play, climb, flush things down toilets and run until he dropped around naptime.

I cherish those 5 minutes I get with my babies. By the time they're a little older those 5 minutes are replaced with other things, or I am up long before they are. Not that they ever stop wanting cuddle time, because even my teenager will sit close to me on a quiet night and watch a favorite movie with me. But this time when they are so small, so innocent still is so sweet, so special and so fleeting. I want to take those 5 minutes and bottle it so that when I am lonely, old and wanting it so much I can have it...if I could do that I could market it and make a fortune!

Nothing

I have nothing. I pop onto my blog everyday almost expecting to see that someone has updated it. Yet everyday I am disappointed to find that it remains the same. There is so much going on in my life right now and yet I find that I have nothing to write about. I have nothing to say. I keep hoping someone else will read my mind and write down what's in it. I am pretty sure that would prove to be an almost impossible act though.

Have you ever felt that way? That there was so much clogging your mind that your mind sort of went "pc on overload" on you and just shut down? Too much info, too much emotion and not enough room to process it all so it just overloads. This week I think I even saw sparks and smoke oozing out of my ears at one point.

So there it is....my lovely new post and update. It says nothing, nothing at all. Maybe later in the week I will have more to say, but for today this is it.

Above 40....

I have to say that in all honesty I want to move south. I have lot's of reasons for this but the most compelling one for me is the fact that I have nine children. Nine children and a relatively small home. In the dead of winter it's so cold and mucky, and slushy that it's almost impossible to play outside. It's ok for an hour or so, with tons of winter garb on, but more than that isn't likely. The kids are indoors, bugging each other, completely bored.

These last few days have been heaven on earth. The kids have played outside, we had a picnic at the park and there has been more energy spent in the last several days than the last two months combined. It's so good for them and me. We are all happier.

I will say to my credit my kids may watch their fair share of tv, especially in the winter, but come nice weather they want to be outside. They can't get out there fast enough once the sun is up and they stay out until its too cold to stand it any longer. I love the warm weather, and not just because I hate being cold, but because it is so good for my family.

Sun, heat, warmth, swing sets, trees, grass, swim pools, bikes, picnic's, zoo's....you name it....I love it all!

Mom?

What makes us a mom? Everyday I learn new things about being a mom. You become a mom when you become pregnant. I know several ladies who have never been able to meet their children because they left this earth way too soon, but that doesn't take away from the fact that they are moms.

What makes me a mom? Long nights with a crying four year old who is in pain, and yet through the fatigue and exhaustion I am still able to cuddle, stroke his hair and kiss his cheek so softly.

When my day has been long, I have spent hours on the phone with mortgage companies, friends, my mom and utility companies I am still able to sit and listen while my oldest goes over every detail of her aerobics class, even though I would like to just shut my ears off for a while.

Listening to my daughter yell and my other daughter and somehow I find the humor in the situation and find myself giggling quietly. But quiet enough not to make the first kiddo that much more angry.

Hours spent in a emergency room with my son while his mouth is stitched up and I am still able to go to the store, do two loads of laundry, carpool and a load of dishes before dinner time.

Get up Sunday morning to push 10 people in and out of the shower, find Sunday clothes, socks and shoes, make it to church on time and I am still able to receive the gift of the spirit as the opening song is sung...despite the fact that two people already have to go to the bathroom.

I find that I am not embarrassed to be seen in my silver 15 passenger van with all the little faces staring out the window at all the people in their expensive sporty suv's and I find that I am proud of what I have.

Playing wii with my kids while the neighbor kids stand in awe because their mom's don't play video games. Why not? Being young is only a state of mind after all.

I listen, learn, and grow with my children. I am human and they know it. We are on this journey together...I am not better than them, I am not more important than they are and The Lord loves them as much as me...probably more...

What makes me a mom? I laugh with my kids, I cry with my kids and my kids are my life. I was born to be a mom, so why not be it to the fullest? I have a lot to give, I am good with kids and I do not mind that there are so many of them that need me. I will always be there for them, they are number one in my life. Others can go out and work, find their way in the world and contribute a lot. For me though? My place in this world is right here in my own home with all these beautiful children. I am home.

That one thing?

I believe very firmly in the idea that we all have God given talents. Some of our talents are more obvious than others...such as those with extreme musical talents. Vocal, instrumental and even the ability to dance. I love those types of talents, but then again doesn't everyone? If not why would shows like So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing With The Stars and American Idol be so popular? We all love to revel in others talents. It makes us love humanity that much more and pushes most of us to want a little more with our existence once in a while.

My question here though it this. What is your talent? I know for a fact that I can look at the people around me and rattle right off the top of my head what their talents are. For example, my dad. His talent is medical. He is one of the best cardiologists The University of Utah Hospital has ever seen. Kristine Webb's talents with material, thread and a sewing machine are astounding, Mary Anderson's talents with decorating never cease to amaze me, my mother-in-law can knit like no one I know and Chris Derieg can sweet talk just about anyone and everyone.

I think I know where most of my talents lie, but what about the rest of you? You go along everyday doing what you do, working, eating, sleeping and functioning, but I would love for you all to sit and think for a long time at what you might think your God given talents are. What little thing you might contribute to making the life and lives of those around you better, happier and more fulfilling. The Lord would not put us on the earth with nothing. He has not left us without lifelines. His is first and foremost, but he also gave each of us something to help ourselves and each other. He wants us to depend on Him, but he also wants us to grow, learn and use those things we have been given to enrich the lives of those around us.

I am a people watcher. I like to see what folks are up to, I imagine what theirs lives are and who they carry along the path with them. I like to think every soul has a purpose and that God looks at each one of us and loves us for who we are and what we give to those around us. I am having a rough time right now, but interestingly enough it's not myself that occupies my thoughts, it's those around me. I look at each of you and think what you have meant to me in my life, I guess I wonder what I have meant to you in your life.

Have I done any good in the world today?