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Sunday, August 28, 2011

My own private miracle

Nights are best. I know most moms count the days from the time their newborn comes into the world until the day they sleep through the night, but not me. Maybe it's all the chaos around my home during the day, maybe it's the quiet, the dark, I don't know. All I know is I love my nights with my babies and this one is no different.

She only gets up once a night these days. That's nice I will admit. Last night she got up around 2 or so and I dragged my sleepy hind end out to the couch. I grabbed a few snacks and my water bottle on the way and made sure I had all my "nighttime supplies" ready to go. Diapers, wipes, boppy pillow, remote control...you know, all the essentials. Usually I nurse the baby on one side, change them and let them nurse on the other side till they are sound asleep. After going through this entire routine last night I let the light from the tv flicker while I examined every inch of my new miracle. She has really long feet and toes, although so very tiny. Her fingers are long and skinny too, but I love those soft fingers on my face when I bring her up to me. Her sweet eyes that see so much, so much more than I can even imagine. I believe the veil between this life and the other side is so thin at this age. I often wonder who she sees in the room with us. Her guardian angel? Grandparents who have gone before us? Her own future family? I can only imagine and that alone makes her a miracle. The back of my babies neck is one of my favorite spots to smell and kiss. So so soft! Every little feature is perfectly formed down to the curvatures of her ears to the wrinkles on the bottom of her feet. How can we call her anything but a miracle?

I now believe, have always believed and will always believe in a higher power. There is a God and he loves us. He doesn't make our choices for us, or those around us, and this is where some of our heartache and pain comes from. Sometimes it's just life that knocks us down, but these can be chances for growth. But through it all if we will take the time to slow down, look around us and soak it in we will find our miracles. We are all blessed with them. I think I may name a few just for the sake of it.

My parents, and Jon's parents. Our children are blessed to be able to have both sets of grandparents alive, well and living life to the fullest. How many kids grow up with that? When we have a birthday party we often have all four of them here and it's a miracle.

McKenna being able to go off to college. This is no easy task for us. She needs grants, loans, her own savings and some help from us to make it happen, but she gets the opportunity to go. She will someday see this for what it is, a miracle. To be able to have these experiences and grow and learn is truly a miracle.

My family. I have the best family around. I speak of all my family. My brothers, sisters, mom and dad....they are all the best. Having Kara and Sid come over to make sure to say hi and goodbye to Kenna. Karlee and all her love and sweetness. She has to be one of my favorite people on earth! My sisters in Vegas who are cheering Kenna on from afar! They are all the best and I love them all with all my heart. I have been truly blessed with the family that I have, I have been blessed with my biological family and how close we have become over the years and I will never see any of them as less than a miracle.

This is one of the biggest miracles for me. We have ten children. That alone is a miracle, but what I speak of here is the miracle it is for me to be able to be home with them all these years. Raising children in today's day and age is hard. Really hard. A lot of women have to work outside their homes to make ends meat and I am not one of them. I have been blessed with a husband that works himself to the bone to make a living so that we don't have to put our children into daycare. Don't get me wrong, it has been hard. Money is always short, we often go without the luxuries, like new school clothes for kids, but we always somehow make it and that's what matters. Are we rich? No! Do we go two weeks without worrying about where the money is going to go? No! But do we have the means to make it? Yes! Do we have to best support system around? Yes! This is a miracle to me!


So as I sit and cuddle and cradle my latest miracle my heart is full with the things and people around me. This sweet baby has reminded me of some of the simpler more important things in life. The loss and heartache I had to go through to get her here have started to fade away and her spirit has taught mine to be right again.
She is the most amazing miracle wrapped up in a teeny tiny body, and I get to be the one to love her, hold her and help her find her place in this family and in this world. I am truly the lucky one! Or rather the blessed one!

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