For those that like to dream, come in. For those that like to laugh, come in. For those that like to cry and be inspired...please come in. Our family is like any other, but is extraordinary in it's own right. Come and join us at our campfire and laugh a little, cry a little and leave us, but please come back. We love company...

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Don't water them, they might mulitiply

If there is one thing in my home that I am always tripping over, pushing out of my way, picking up and cursing at it's the shoes. I am to the point where I hate them. I want to live on a tropical island somewhere and give each one of my children one pair of flip flops and just replace them as they wear out. As it is right now in my home I have slippers, boots, tennis shoes, sunday shoes, flats, vans, high heels, Jons basketball shoes, his work shoes, his outdoor work shoes and his everyday shoes and then there's my shoes...all cluttering up my home. Don't forget that I named what each person has and then times that by 11. I am not sure I can even multiply that high. Shoes are my nemesis.

I have decided that if we ever move I need a large walk in closet in the entryway entirely devoted to shoes. That would be one stinky closet, but at least all those stinky shoes would no longer be under my dining room table, stashed next to the toilet, under the cushions of the couch and in every one's beds. Out of sight out of mind. With some of these things it's the best solution. I would love to be able to walk around my home and not see one pair of shoes.

I will admit that one day when the kids are all gone there are a few things I will NOT miss, and never would. The bickering will be one thing I will happily wave goodbye to, pee under, over and around the toilet (at least my toilet, and be assured I will have my OWN by then), crayons in my dryer and last but not least, all the darn shoes. Those are things I won't miss one darn bit. Maybe I should start a string of blog entry's on the things I will not miss when they are all gone. I often talk about the things I will miss, but what about the things I will not miss? I think in the next few days I will start this project by making a list of things I won't miss and then blogging about each and every one of them. I think I will name my list "Don't let the door hit ya on the way out"...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sweet baby girl!

We are not going to lie. We all are getting pretty attached already and even the boys who weren't too happy with another sister are starting to chomp a the bit to get her here. I personally will feel so much better when she is in my arms...

We had our official anatomy scan today and all went well. Baby is still a girl, was all over the place while the poor tech was trying to get a good pic of all her parts and pieces, and she was just looking so cute. The tech was thorough and took an hour to look at everything. Her little heart, brain and kidneys (yay!) looked good. I am getting so attached already. She is worming her way into my heart while growing under it. Now we just need to hit a few more milestones and pick out a name (and do a bit of shopping) and baby will be here before we know it! I can't wait!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Popsicles and Elmo

My brain might just be made of mush by now. I have spent almost 19 years with kids at home, me at home with them and doing the most mindless things. Don't get me wrong, I have loved most of those moments with my kids, but non the less as I think to my own future (which is quickly passing me by) I wonder if I will even be able to go back to school. I wonder if my mind is even capable of it that is.

When McKenna was a baby it was Barney the Dinosaur, fish crackers (which were brand new on the market then) and lots of kids to play with everyday (I had an in home daycare to pay for my and Kenna's expenses). Today it's gushers, spongbob and still tons of kids everyday, only their all mine now. I spend my days bathing cute little dirty bodies, listening to Scooby Doo (that one has never gone out of style) and Diary of a Whimpy Kid, trying to keep track of the electronics as Colby likes to wander around the house with them and of course changing the occasional poopy diaper. 19 years folks, I have been in my home, with my children for 19 years. How many of you can say that you have been doing the same job for that long? My office space has changed a few times (four moves in 15 years), my employees have changed (new kids in, new kids out...or at least out to school) and of course I have changed, but nothing else has.

My days can be long, monotonous and when the once in a while trip to Walmart seems like a treat you know you have been locked up in the house far too long. I think that's why the idea of living in a climate where it can be nice more often than not during the year sounds perfect. I am not an agoraphobic....I LOVE being outside. I will sit for hours in a lawn chair on the front lawn watching the kids play. I will read on a blanket while at the park. Last year alone I spent many many hours looking for new places to take the kids on hikes. Anyone who lives north of St George in Utah knows that those things really only happen from about the middle of May until maybe the end of September, unless of course your a winter person, which I am not. So is it so terrible after raising kids in Salt Lake for 18 years that I want a change of scenery and a change of climate? I mean, seriously...I may have another 18 years to go here folks....quite a while.

But, with all of that I still have to say that I am not unhappy with my chosen profession. I love to watch Skyler do the cutest things, and love to hear him learn new words and speak them so softly with that cute tiny high voice. I love to experience these things with him the way I loved it with Kenna so many years ago, and with every kid in between. I am happy being a stay at home mom. It isn't glamorous, I will never win an award for what I do, or earn kudos from thousands of adoring fans, but I am ok with all of that because their love and hugs is award enough. I find that as my pregnancy goes on I get more and more excited to welcome a new baby into my home. This little girl is slowly but surely wedging her way into my heart and I can't wait to dress her up in cute little warm potato sacks and soft fuzzy socks. I can't wait to smell that wonderful smell of a newborns neck and play with those tiny little hands. She will be my last and I intend to enjoy every moment of it.

My life is all popsicles, Elmo and tripping over match box cars. My brain has gone soft right along with my heart over the years and I wouldn't have it any other way. My life may be stressful, hard and downright depressing at times, but it's been worth it in ways I never imagined. Someday I will sit and read a book, cover to cover without having to get up to break up a fight, or having to chase a child down the street and in some ways I really look forward to that day. In some ways I dread it. There's that perfect dichotomy again. Life is full of those. Of course, I will always be happy because I have 10 kids....surely some of them will have kids of their own and when I get too lonely and depressed I will just show up at their homes and take those tiny babies into my arms and remember why I did it all in the first place. I can only imagine what it will feel like then and it brings tears to my eyes right now just thinking about it. It will all be worth it.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I secretly like it

I will admit that for a while I secretly like it when my babies are sick. We all know that when any of the kids get genuinely ill they want to be cuddled, loved, catered to and given soda till they drop. But the babies, they are so darn sweet. When I want to cuddle one my little tiny kids they are usually running around, making noise, making messes and making me crazy. They might sit with me for 30 seconds or so. But that is it. Not the case when they are ill.

All my kids are sick right now, almost every last one of them. Only the few oldest have escaped it, which means my house is crazy, with me at the head of it cleaning like crazy, lysoling everything in sight and not stopping until I drop at the end of the day. However, I will stop for my little tiny boys that want to be held and loved while feeling not so good. They have both had fevers, which is the best time to cuddle them. Fevers are what usually leave them in a heap on the couch not wanting to even run around. Colby wants me stroke his hair and tickle his back. He keeps saying to me "Mom, will you go like this?" while brushing his bangs to the side. He wants to be close to me, his body still and calm while I play with his hair. I absolutely love that.

Then there's Skyler. Last night and this morning he has been running a fever of 103 and he just doesn't even want to get up. He is on the couch and he if I walk away he cries, in his tiny sick voice, "mommy....mommy....". Its the sweetest and the saddest sound all wrapped up into one. This afternoon I sat with him on the couch and then after a few minutes he was sort of leaning over on my arm. I scooped him up and held him tight to me. He snuggled into my chest and fell fast asleep. For once it was the only place he wanted to be. I held him, let him sweat on my chest for several minutes before laying him in his bed. I even had Joe take a pic with my phone and sent it to my sister Tracy. I knew she could relate because her little Carson has spent most of his winter sick. We can relate to each other with our sick babies.

I happen to love those moments with my kids. They always are on the go, never wanting to be held down to a momma's touch. They just have too much to do, see, destroy and take apart. I love this about my kids, but I have to admit, when they are sick I take those few days and get in as much cuddle time as I can. It's the only time they actually let me do it....

Saturday, March 5, 2011


I can finally say it! I am pregnant! I have had to hold back on that one for 15 weeks now...15 weeks!!!! I am so glad I don't have to hide it anymore...I have so wanted to tell for about 2 weeks now. We have had to be so careful because of what has happened the last several babies. Well, after today I am officially attached to my sweet baby and I hope and pray with all I am worth that she hangs in there. Yes...she....we went to fetal fotos today and got to find out what she is. She was bouncing around in there and seemed very happy.

Yay for healthy babies!!!
Here is the newest and yes...the last Loutensock!

Friday, March 4, 2011

My little buddy

My days are loud. They truly are. But I am guessing I don't need to tell any of you that. This morning it was sincerely loud by 7:40 am. Jessi and Skyler were pounding around in the bathroom and making so much noise that Colby came out of his room, rubbing his eyes complaining that the other kids had woken him up. So to say what I want to we need to rewind an hour earlier in my day.

6 am. I hear the softest little voice from the room next to mine.
I know who it is and what they want. Not more than a minute later...
I get up, tired and aching, and walk into Megan and Skyler's room. I was thinking it was good that Megan is such a deep sleeper, once she gets to sleep. There is my baby sitting in his bed, completely wet from head to toes.
"Juicy momma?"
"You want some juice?"
"Wet momma...I wet..."
Yes he was. I got his juice, then stripped off the wet blankets, put dry ones down, took off his wet clothes and changed his diaper. After settling him back in I gave him some juice and quietly went back to bed knowing I would not be sleeping anymore.

He was quiet for a while, every now and again he would make some cute little noise, or some little sound and I would know he was just gearing up for his day. After a while he started in with the loud "MOM!" and I knew his bed was no longer good enough. I went and picked him up, got the toy dinosaur he wanted and took him to my bed. I knew this would only gain me maybe 5 more minutes, but those 5 minutes can be the best ever. I have done this almost everyone of my kids. If the house is quiet, they wake before anyone else then I know I can get my golden 5 minutes of cuddle time in. He happily crawled into bed with me, got under the covers and acted as though he was a bear settling in for a long winter hibernation. He was comfy, he was darling. We sat there under the covers of my warm bed staring at each other for a few minutes, and he even let me stroke his hair. He would wriggle here and there, and then rearrange himself a bit and settle again. When the appeal of the house, the toys and the constant adventure that is in a toddlers mind became too much for him to bear he quietly slid off my bed and was gone. As he slid away I could see the look on his face. It's as though he knew what I wanted and he didn't want to hurt my feelings by leaving me there, but he just couldn't stand it anymore. He had to play, climb, flush things down toilets and run until he dropped around naptime.

I cherish those 5 minutes I get with my babies. By the time they're a little older those 5 minutes are replaced with other things, or I am up long before they are. Not that they ever stop wanting cuddle time, because even my teenager will sit close to me on a quiet night and watch a favorite movie with me. But this time when they are so small, so innocent still is so sweet, so special and so fleeting. I want to take those 5 minutes and bottle it so that when I am lonely, old and wanting it so much I can have it...if I could do that I could market it and make a fortune!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


I have nothing. I pop onto my blog everyday almost expecting to see that someone has updated it. Yet everyday I am disappointed to find that it remains the same. There is so much going on in my life right now and yet I find that I have nothing to write about. I have nothing to say. I keep hoping someone else will read my mind and write down what's in it. I am pretty sure that would prove to be an almost impossible act though.

Have you ever felt that way? That there was so much clogging your mind that your mind sort of went "pc on overload" on you and just shut down? Too much info, too much emotion and not enough room to process it all so it just overloads. This week I think I even saw sparks and smoke oozing out of my ears at one point.

So there it is....my lovely new post and update. It says nothing, nothing at all. Maybe later in the week I will have more to say, but for today this is it.