A little sad

Today is Saturday July 16th. We have had our Maddie for a week now. I can't believe the week is over already. It went by really fast. Maddie is my sisters daughter. She is about Megan's age and she is the highlight of our lives when we are near her. Either here or in Vegas, we just love her. We have gone to movies, the mall, Lagoon and the pool. We have kept busy and when we weren't busy, the kids were busy playing, telling each other jokes and swinging in the big tree swing. Maddie seems to really love that one.

When I have extra kids around I notice. I watch them, I notice them, I sometimes look forward to them going home. But not Maddie. She blends right in, she meshes with our family and I hardly notice her even being here. I mean that in a good way. When you can blend in with this family, you just fit.

After 8 days of paryting she is going home. We are all a bit sad about it. The little kids love having her around to play with and Megan loves having her around to get into trouble with. Megan has such a hard time socially. She struggles so much. Her anxiety is through the roof on a good day and even though she loves her friends, she doesn't know how to approach them to hang out. She spends everyday of her summer locked up in the house saying no one likes her. It's truly sad. But when she is around Maddie it's like an extension of herself. She is comfy with Maddie and loves every moment with her. Megan not having that friend around will be really hard on Megan and she will be out of sorts the rest of the next week.

There's a million reasons why we will miss our Maddie. For me it's just that darling girl that I love so much and love having around. We will miss you Maddie. Please don't wait as long to come back this time.

Soon, oh so soon

I really think it's starting to hit me. After nearly eight months of near denial, I think we are going to have a baby. I have spent so many months waiting for the "inevitable", but I can't deny it anymore. I am huge, as so many cute little neighbor girls have pointed out, this little kiddo loves to dance on my bladder, and I can actually say "next month". It's all real now.

Sadly enough I can't say I have enjoyed this pregnancy, which is a first. Its been fraught with stress and worry. But one thing I will enjoy is being able to share these late nights, up with insomnia, with a warm, sweet, soft little person. Nursing, watching tv, cuddling. It's always been my favorite time with my newborns because with such a crazy household it's the only time I get with them alone. Just the two of us. Other women can't wait for that time to end. I don't. I love those late nights, at least the first three or four months anyway. :)

"I have loved you forever sweet baby girl. I believed in you long before anyone else did and I have waited a long time for you. I have lost several while waiting for you, I have taken criticism for getting pregnant with you and I get weird looks all the time from strangers who think I am foolish for having you with all I have already. But non of that matters because I knew you were there, patiently waiting. I am ready now, I want to love you in my arms. Cuddle with you and shed a tear or two over you. You will make our family complete and we all can't wait to meet you. There's just one thing, can you please help with what to name you? We are a little stumped on that one!" :)

Coming home

What a long week. Me with my cold, Skyler with his cast, lots of kids and no dad. If a person ever wants to know how their presence affects a family, they just need to disappear for a while. They will know. I hope Jon knows how his presence affects our family. He thinks he's gone a lot with the second job, and let me tell you, he is. However, him being home at night, or at least a few nights a week, and on saturdays makes a difference. He may not think so, but it does. I read a quote a while back that goes like this;

When your absence does not alter someone's life, then your presence has no meaning in their life.

Simple words that make a profound statement. I know when certain people are missing from my life, and then there's others that I can go long periods of time without seeing or hearing from and it doesnt seem to make a huge difference. This week I have seen my kids struggle without Jon here. They miss him and so do I. My oldest boy is especially out of sorts without his dad around. Being a boy born right in the middle of four sisters you can imagine how this kid feels most of the time. His dad is his comrade in arms, his soul mate and his best friend. Isaac has missed his dad. But so have all my kids. We have managed ok with all the day to day things. I am a pretty strong person and I can do as much if not more than most with what I have. Sick, pregnant and chasing nine kids I have managed just fine. But it's been somewhat lonely. The kids feel the same about him. It's time to come home.

Inspiration

Mother's Day has come and gone. My birthday, our vacation and Father's Day. All gone. We are now on to the beautiful but short summer. Goodness, we are now 1/3 of the way through summer. That makes me so sad. Everything that inspires me, lifts me up and keeps me strong has to do with this time of year. I walk along those quiet paths with my kids on a hot summer day and I smell the beauty around me. I see the green, splashed with color. While in Las Vegas with my family I love to be up before anyone else so that I can see the sunrise. A desert sunrise is better than any other. If there ever was a time when the sky looked to be aglow with fire it's then. When we are in Capistrano I stay up just a bit later than the kids to make sure I see the sunset over the Dana Point Pier. The earth, sky and ocean seem to melt together as the world goes to sleep. Simplicity. There is so much to do, see, be busy with and keep occupied with in today's world that I am with so many when I say we need to go back to basics. Simplicity. One of my favorite times during summer is also one of the simplest times....sitting on the front lawn, kids all around me, sipping a cool drink while they play. Happy noises, cool grass, water play, swinging in the tree, these are things that I love. That's what I miss so much when driving around in the cold winter unable to sit outside and enjoy what I love most.

I have been looking at the world around me as of late. I have been almost seeking inspiration. As much as we pull inspiration from those around us, it ultimately comes from within. There can be the most amazing people around us, but if we aren't open to moving upward and onward it's all but lost. I try to surround myself with people that lift me up. Not just people that I can have fun with, but those that make me want to be a better person. My children are this to me, my husband is this to me, my family. There are so many people that are this to me that I couldn't sit here and list them all, but they are there. I am also inspired greatly by the world around me. I always have been. Nature. The grandeur, the awesomeness, the beauty. I have always given credit for these feelings to my Native American Heritage. I don't think that just because I didn't grow up on a reservation, or learn the customs that I don't have it in me. I do. Always have. This world is a gift, and I have always loved it.

Find what inspires you. What lifts you up and makes you want to be a better you. This has been a very long week. Jon left town last Sunday and has been gone now a whole week. But it seems longer than that just because before he left he worked several days in a row to make up for time he would lose this week. But the inspiration I felt yesterday was to see the look on Skyler's face as he heard his dad's voice on the phone. It was the sweetest thing. I think as parents we sometimes put high expectations on ourselves. We don't need to. What our kids need most from us is our love. Everything else is just icing. Love. Simplicity. Inspirational. After a long week of helping Skyler with his broken leg, sad kids missing their dad, a bad cough again on my part and to top it off a very quiet baby girl in utero (which scares me to death....come on baby, move around for me!) I look for the quiet, soft simple things to keep me calm, soothe the soul.

In a complicated, busy, loud world I think if we stop for a bit, soak in what inspires us and just listen quietly we can keep our souls at peace. Listen, pray, whisper and inspire. Be heard, but listen too. Simplicity. Pull the strength from within, by seeing what's around us and letting it in.