Blasphemy I say...

I will admit that I have an irreverant side. No really, I do. I can be with the most composed person and I will say or do something that will have them giggling like a little kid. Now mind you, this goes both ways. The person I am with has to be able to laugh right along with me. For instance, Karlee, my niece. She is so grown up now a days. However after going with her, my sister Kara and my mom to see my sisters new home she and I sat in the back seat and goofed off like we were grade school kids doped up on sugar. But, I loved every minute of it....

Sometimes my irreverance gets the better of me though. Like a few sundays ago when the entire bishopbric forgot to present McKenna with her medalion in sacrament meeting. She sat on the stand with the youth choir fighting tears, then she sat down with us and fought tears...(side bar, we actually got the whole family there early for this!) Well, by the end of sacarament meeting when the bishop made his way to us I turned to him and punched him on the arm. Hard enough to leave an impression, but not a mark. My husband was mortified. I had just hit an ordained man of god. Well...in my mind he had it coming, and my attempt was to just jolt him into knowing that I wasn't happy. He actually said that he was glad I did that as opposed to festering and being offended and not coming to church for a while. You know, honesty and all that. But I guess it was a little irreverant.

However, I really like my irreverance. I can laugh with the best of them. I can joke with the best of them and even really tough situations can be funny, given the right moment. I keep telling my kids that life is just hard. But, that does not mean it has to miserable. Keep laughing, keep joking. Keep yourselves in line with those that can laugh with you. I would not suggest that they go around hitting men of god, but a good laugh at a good stumble in front of lots of people will go a long way.

Laughter is the best medicine you know. I guess the trick is to know when and where to stop. Levity may be one of my weak points.

I am working on it Lord, I really am...

Lions, Tigers and Bears, oh my...

So, here we are at Halloween...which is so weird to me anyway, because I swear it was just yesterday that I was in the hospital for the day having a baby. But, alas it's a year later and how things have changed. But this year my focus is really on the holiday and the kids. Last year I was really preocupied, understandably. My kids are all it's about this year.

So the subject comes up around sept 15th every year....

"Mom, can I be a blood sucking vampire this year for halloween?"
"Weren't you that last year?"
"No mom, geez, that was Megan..."
"Oh, sorry, my bad"

Each one in turn comes to me with wild adventerous ideas, each costing around 50 bucks to accomadate. But I have to say that some of their ideas really rock.

So, Abby wants to be a dead dancer. She has this beautiful dress and a bloody knife that looks like it has gone straight through her head. Isaac on the other hand wants to be a clone troooper. Now this one is a little harder to find. Store after store are sold out, so we may have to go with plan b which is my favorite....a MIB....(men in black!)

Megan wants to be a devil....haha...very fitting, and Kenna is our resident asian beauty. Jessi wants to be a cute witch, for the 2nd year in a row, and Colby wants to be batman. Joe has a hard time picking his costume out, but has chosen to be the grim reaper, while Lacie is another fairy. (She chooses this or a bride nearly every year!)

Now, once everyone is dressed up and ready for pictures its just hilarious. My home looks like any well stocked classroom and we have everything from ghosts, ghouls, devils, princesses, tinker bells, fairies, geishas, star wars dudes, and the list goes on.

I love halloween, I always have. I got this from my mom who always loved this holiday. I think this was her favorite. For many years she would dress up, meet the trick or treaters and have a ball helping us find costumes. She still comes to the parade at the school with me. I love to dress up, love to trick or treat, love to go to the halloween parade at the school every year and get new ideas. I am really excited that this year I can actually participate in the festivities with everyone else, since I missed it last year.

Either way it's going to be fun. We get dressed up, bundle up ( it should be in the mid 40's that night), and go out and beg for candy. Man I love this holiday!

Happy Halloween everyone, you've been "BOOed" !

The ups and downs...

Some days are better than others. I know this is no surprise to anyone who has lived more than a minute. Yesterday was down for me. I just could not seem to get the desire to do anything. I felt so depressed, and yet nothing was really different from the day before. Just my mood. I think everyone has days like that. Yesterday I was down, my daughter Abby was up. Today I am more up, while she went to school today pretty sure she was going to have a hard day. I think most people know when things are just going to be hard that day. Most of us think it's the outside world that got harder that day, but I think it's more to do with the inside world. The world inside our minds.

So I woke up yesterday not really sure why I felt so down, I just know I did. I talked to friends half heartedly. I did my chores while listening to slow music that makes you feel just that much more reflective and my way of helping the kids with their homework was to just do it for them, just because Idid not honestly have the energy to sit patiently and teach them. Wow, mom of the year there forsure, eh? By the end of day I was so tired. Dont ask me why, I hardly accomplished much, but I was just the same. I called my sister Lisa because I heard that her daughter had swine flu, for the 2nd time this year, and was all ready to lend a supportive ear. By half way into the conversation she kept saying "I am fine...good grief..." I was driving her nuts with my questions about how she was and if she was going to be ok. After I hung up I realized that it wasn't about her. She truly sounded fine. It was me, I wasn't fine and I didn't know it, or perhaps I didn't know how to say..."well, that's great...I am not so fine today...". Silly, eh?

But today is a little better. I have some chores done, some laundry rotated, my bed made...heck, I even vacuumed today already. I am back, more or less. The ride slowed down enough for me to feel like I had the chance to get off and take a break before getting back on.

Now, I just need to get some stuff done that didn't get done the last few days because I was just too "depressed" to do them. Things like, 5 loads of laundry, help the kids with their rooms, get some gas in the car, bath a few kids, bath myself, sweep the kitchen, mop the bathroom, call my ladies to do some visiting teaching, call my visiting teacher to see if she is ok, plan my lesson for sunday, and perhaps eat a meal in there somewhere....that all shouldnt take more than a few days to catch up on. Wow, it's no wonder I am depressed. Ugh...

The Little Things

There have been so many times in my life where I find myself getting so stressed out about the big stuff. I mean, who doesn't? Money, time, kids...you know, the kind of things that will have an impact on life as we know it. But what about the little things?

How many times are we talking to a friend and find that we are completly unglued over lots of little things, that add up to a big thing. Like, a check bounced, the car had a flat and 2 of the kids had parties in the same week that required gifts coming out a checking account that was already in the negative. We tend to focus on these things and get ourselves so worked up that we can't even think straight any more. What about the small stuff that isn't stressful? These are things that make us smile, and there are so many times in my life where I have looked right past these things and have not seen them. Why is that?

To that end I have tried harder. I have tried harder lately to see the small things that can make a difference on the opposite end of the spectrum from the negative end...

Things like...on my fridge sits a little note that came from school for Lacie. She had earned gold twice that day(I am not sure what that even meant....), and she got to go to the principals office for a treat and a little recognition. I want to keep that there to remind me that this sweet little ADD kid can do great things.

This morning after wetting his pants twice, Colby came to me with a darling little naked bum and said he needed clean undies for the third time today. When I asked him if at least got some in the toilet (because I did hear it flush), he looked at me with those huge, green eyes and said "yes mom, I got some in!".

Last night when Jon and Isaac had finally found a good football to throw around they played a while and when Jon said it was time to go in, Isaac bounded towards the house...but doubled back to find his dad and say "Thanks for playing catch with me dad..."

Sometimes we get so involved in the hard stuff that we neglect the good stuff. I am trying harder. Trying not only to see the good stuff, but to encourage it. I give out praise, hugs, kisses and loves just because they are alive and sometimes they earn a little more when they make a good choice.

I love my kids, I just want to make sure that they always know it and never doubt it. Every moment.

Say what you mean...please....

So this morning Polly and I were having a conversation like any other we have had on any other day we have had it. Only this morning as we talked I realized she was crying. Oh dear..

"It's ok, it's not you...it's me"
I was officially nervous about what it is I had said...
"Just tell me so that I won't say it again. I don't like to unknowingly hurt your feelings."
I could tell at this point she was hesitating.
"It was all the talk about Ian not wearing shoes as it gets colder. I feel like a failure as a parent..."

Now mind you, this is a conversation we have had many times over. And it has gone both ways. Just the night before as we spoke on the phone I kept getting interupted by Megan.
"Mom, can I have a snack before bed?"
"No Meg, just go to bed..."
"But mom, I haven't tested my blood yet..."
"Go to bed Megan, I am warning you..."
"But my stomach hurts and I need a drink"
"Megan, I mean it this time!"

After several minutes, Polly said to me over the phone, "How many warnings you going to give her before you get serious?"
She was right, but then again I was in an ok mood and didn't mind the gentle critisizm. I don't think the same applied to her this morning.

So, by the time we were finished talking we had smoothed things over and we were ready to have lunch together. I must say though it was so nice to be able to smooth things over. We have come a long ways in our friendship and have come to a point where more or less we can tell each other the truth. No dancing around each other, no walking on egg shells, no hurt feelings over things not said.

I learned to love this attitude by watching my sisters. Lori and Lisa are two of the greatest people I know. They are awesome!

For the first few times I went down to Vegas to see them it was weird. These were people who spoke their mind. They said what was buggin them right off the bat!
Polly and I went to visit them a few years ago and we ended up at Lisa's house first. After we got there we sat around and talked for a while until Lisa finally called Lori and this is what we gathered from the conversaion.

Lisa, Polly and I were hungry by this time....
"Hi Lor, where are you?'
Mumbling from the other end of the phone...
"Well, we are waiting on you to go to dinner"
More mumbling...
"Well, we want to go all together, that's why were wainting on you!"
Mumble...
"God, take it easy, I was just kidding, we can wait a little longer..."

The great thing about this entire exchange was that after all was said and done, we went to dinner, had a great time and no one was the slightest upset with each other.

I love them for their ability to be honest, even harsh sometimes and still completely love each other. No hard feelings and all of that.

There is so much to be said for honesty. I avoid it sometimes because I don't want to hurt the feelings of the people in my life. But I need to try harder. I mean, not to the extent where I say to someone "Geez, I think your body has gotten used to your deoderant cause you stink", buy maybe something like "I don't want to have a dinner with the entire family tonight cause I just don't think I can deal with them today!"

Is that bad?