Some days are better than others. I know this is no surprise to anyone who has lived more than a minute. Yesterday was down for me. I just could not seem to get the desire to do anything. I felt so depressed, and yet nothing was really different from the day before. Just my mood. I think everyone has days like that. Yesterday I was down, my daughter Abby was up. Today I am more up, while she went to school today pretty sure she was going to have a hard day. I think most people know when things are just going to be hard that day. Most of us think it's the outside world that got harder that day, but I think it's more to do with the inside world. The world inside our minds.
So I woke up yesterday not really sure why I felt so down, I just know I did. I talked to friends half heartedly. I did my chores while listening to slow music that makes you feel just that much more reflective and my way of helping the kids with their homework was to just do it for them, just because Idid not honestly have the energy to sit patiently and teach them. Wow, mom of the year there forsure, eh? By the end of day I was so tired. Dont ask me why, I hardly accomplished much, but I was just the same. I called my sister Lisa because I heard that her daughter had swine flu, for the 2nd time this year, and was all ready to lend a supportive ear. By half way into the conversation she kept saying "I am fine...good grief..." I was driving her nuts with my questions about how she was and if she was going to be ok. After I hung up I realized that it wasn't about her. She truly sounded fine. It was me, I wasn't fine and I didn't know it, or perhaps I didn't know how to say..."well, that's great...I am not so fine today...". Silly, eh?
But today is a little better. I have some chores done, some laundry rotated, my bed made...heck, I even vacuumed today already. I am back, more or less. The ride slowed down enough for me to feel like I had the chance to get off and take a break before getting back on.
Now, I just need to get some stuff done that didn't get done the last few days because I was just too "depressed" to do them. Things like, 5 loads of laundry, help the kids with their rooms, get some gas in the car, bath a few kids, bath myself, sweep the kitchen, mop the bathroom, call my ladies to do some visiting teaching, call my visiting teacher to see if she is ok, plan my lesson for sunday, and perhaps eat a meal in there somewhere....that all shouldnt take more than a few days to catch up on. Wow, it's no wonder I am depressed. Ugh...