My sister asked me a good question the other day, and I wasn't sure how to answer her. She asked why? Why when I had 9 children, two with diabetes, did I want another child? I sure did have my plate full, and yet there I was insisting that there was another child to come to me. All I can say is that I knew. The day that we found out that Skyler was going to be a boy I sat in my car looking down at that cute little ultrasound of him and the only thing that went through my mind aside from "really?", was that I was going to have to do it again. Be pregnant, tell my friends and family, pick a name, be an older mom...all of it. To be honest, the worst thought was telling my friends and family. We do tend to come under some serious criticism about the size of our family. "You have so many already", "Why when you complain of being broke do you want to add more to your home?", or the not so nice response "Are you just crazy?"...we hear it all.
As I thought about what Lori was asking me I tried to explain it. I know how the economy is, I know that I have kids with high needs, I know....really! But as sure as I am sitting here writing this, I knew we were supposed to have another baby. A girl. During, during, my third miscarriage I was at Target and I found a cute little outfit and my first thought was, "This is what I want to bring her home in!" It made no sense since I was in the middle of my third miscarriage. But, somehow I knew.
There are many things right now that I pray about daily. How to handle the kids diabetes, where to send my kids to school, if we should take a job outside of Utah or not, but this one I did know! I knew there was a little girl waiting to come to our home. She is here now, and when I look at her it's as if she has always been here. She is an essential part of our family. Our family could not be complete without her.
So, with all the questions I just sort of shrug them off. I try to explain myself to people at times, and other times not. Our family is what it is. I am pretty sure that if anyone one of you, spiritual or not, were to think really hard about it you could come up with something that you just knew. Without doubt. With a sure knowledge. You just knew. I don't know a lot of things, but this one I did. I just did....