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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

You don't want to be in love, you want to be in love in a movie!

Sleepless in Seattle. That movie has some of the greatest lines I have ever heard in a movie. It says it all and I often find myself quoting it. The last week or so I have been deep in thought about a lot of things. My life, my marriage, where we are going and what the course of our family should be. There's many reasons why these thoughts weigh so heavily on my mind, but I won't bore you all with the details. I will say though that as I sit here and think my mind can't help but laugh at itself. Women are passionate. My husband would prefer the term dramatic, as most men would, but I like to say passionate.

We, as a gender, feel deeply, cry tenderly, laugh loudly, dream heartily and love fiercely. We live life with passion, we seek it out and wrap our arms around it tightly and live by it. Rosie O'Donnel said to Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle "You don't want to be in love, you want to be in love in a movie". Isn't that the truth? In the movies love triumphs over all, it is never ending and people often die for it. It doesn't seem that passionate in real life. Maybe it's reality, bills, fights over the toilet seat and toothpaste that douse that passion, but it somehow does. My heart is often full, full of love, hate, hope, fear and a range of other emotions. When I sit down and have a heart to heart with the women in my life I find that they are the same way. My daughters, my mom, my sisters, we all tend to feel and think the same way. I am sure it drives the men in our lives nuts. Sometimes I drive myself nuts.

That passion though is what drove me to get that last baby here despite the trials I went through to get her. I knew she was waiting to come and I did what I had to do to get her here. That passion is what has led me through long dark lonely nights in the hospital with sick kids, knowing forever our lives were changed. That passion is what drives me when I am faced with hardships, even when the odds are stacked against me. I keep moving forward, because I know I have to. The fierce love comes when I want to give up. The tender crying comes when my kids hurt and I can't fix it. The hearty dreams come when I need to look forward to something, to give me hope. The laughter comes all the time, if I allow it. Laughter at myself, my life, my beautiful children, even my marriage. There can be joy found in all things if we just look for it.

My passion drives me forward. I have 10 children. Several of them have medical and emotional needs that I never dreamt would be a part of my life. I could sit back and do nothing, pretending these things don't exist, but they do and I only give my kids a better chance at a happy life by going forward with them, showing them how to live their own lives with the same passion I have.

I love the movies, because it's a visual of what I feel all the time. Passion. I love music. It also is driven by passion. Hatred, love, joy and fear...all in music.

"And I love it when you read to me, and you can read me anything. The book of love has music in it, in fact that's where music comes from. But I love it when you sing to me, and you can sing me anything." Peter Gabriel

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