Above 40....

I have to say that in all honesty I want to move south. I have lot's of reasons for this but the most compelling one for me is the fact that I have nine children. Nine children and a relatively small home. In the dead of winter it's so cold and mucky, and slushy that it's almost impossible to play outside. It's ok for an hour or so, with tons of winter garb on, but more than that isn't likely. The kids are indoors, bugging each other, completely bored.

These last few days have been heaven on earth. The kids have played outside, we had a picnic at the park and there has been more energy spent in the last several days than the last two months combined. It's so good for them and me. We are all happier.

I will say to my credit my kids may watch their fair share of tv, especially in the winter, but come nice weather they want to be outside. They can't get out there fast enough once the sun is up and they stay out until its too cold to stand it any longer. I love the warm weather, and not just because I hate being cold, but because it is so good for my family.

Sun, heat, warmth, swing sets, trees, grass, swim pools, bikes, picnic's, zoo's....you name it....I love it all!

Mom?

What makes us a mom? Everyday I learn new things about being a mom. You become a mom when you become pregnant. I know several ladies who have never been able to meet their children because they left this earth way too soon, but that doesn't take away from the fact that they are moms.

What makes me a mom? Long nights with a crying four year old who is in pain, and yet through the fatigue and exhaustion I am still able to cuddle, stroke his hair and kiss his cheek so softly.

When my day has been long, I have spent hours on the phone with mortgage companies, friends, my mom and utility companies I am still able to sit and listen while my oldest goes over every detail of her aerobics class, even though I would like to just shut my ears off for a while.

Listening to my daughter yell and my other daughter and somehow I find the humor in the situation and find myself giggling quietly. But quiet enough not to make the first kiddo that much more angry.

Hours spent in a emergency room with my son while his mouth is stitched up and I am still able to go to the store, do two loads of laundry, carpool and a load of dishes before dinner time.

Get up Sunday morning to push 10 people in and out of the shower, find Sunday clothes, socks and shoes, make it to church on time and I am still able to receive the gift of the spirit as the opening song is sung...despite the fact that two people already have to go to the bathroom.

I find that I am not embarrassed to be seen in my silver 15 passenger van with all the little faces staring out the window at all the people in their expensive sporty suv's and I find that I am proud of what I have.

Playing wii with my kids while the neighbor kids stand in awe because their mom's don't play video games. Why not? Being young is only a state of mind after all.

I listen, learn, and grow with my children. I am human and they know it. We are on this journey together...I am not better than them, I am not more important than they are and The Lord loves them as much as me...probably more...

What makes me a mom? I laugh with my kids, I cry with my kids and my kids are my life. I was born to be a mom, so why not be it to the fullest? I have a lot to give, I am good with kids and I do not mind that there are so many of them that need me. I will always be there for them, they are number one in my life. Others can go out and work, find their way in the world and contribute a lot. For me though? My place in this world is right here in my own home with all these beautiful children. I am home.

That one thing?

I believe very firmly in the idea that we all have God given talents. Some of our talents are more obvious than others...such as those with extreme musical talents. Vocal, instrumental and even the ability to dance. I love those types of talents, but then again doesn't everyone? If not why would shows like So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing With The Stars and American Idol be so popular? We all love to revel in others talents. It makes us love humanity that much more and pushes most of us to want a little more with our existence once in a while.

My question here though it this. What is your talent? I know for a fact that I can look at the people around me and rattle right off the top of my head what their talents are. For example, my dad. His talent is medical. He is one of the best cardiologists The University of Utah Hospital has ever seen. Kristine Webb's talents with material, thread and a sewing machine are astounding, Mary Anderson's talents with decorating never cease to amaze me, my mother-in-law can knit like no one I know and Chris Derieg can sweet talk just about anyone and everyone.

I think I know where most of my talents lie, but what about the rest of you? You go along everyday doing what you do, working, eating, sleeping and functioning, but I would love for you all to sit and think for a long time at what you might think your God given talents are. What little thing you might contribute to making the life and lives of those around you better, happier and more fulfilling. The Lord would not put us on the earth with nothing. He has not left us without lifelines. His is first and foremost, but he also gave each of us something to help ourselves and each other. He wants us to depend on Him, but he also wants us to grow, learn and use those things we have been given to enrich the lives of those around us.

I am a people watcher. I like to see what folks are up to, I imagine what theirs lives are and who they carry along the path with them. I like to think every soul has a purpose and that God looks at each one of us and loves us for who we are and what we give to those around us. I am having a rough time right now, but interestingly enough it's not myself that occupies my thoughts, it's those around me. I look at each of you and think what you have meant to me in my life, I guess I wonder what I have meant to you in your life.

Have I done any good in the world today?

Go to bed!

I swear, kids fight tooth and nail the one thing I would give my left arm for. Sleep. Why is that? It's only when they become teenagers that they begin to get this concept, but by then you don't really mind if they are up at insane hours. When they are tiny it's a different story.

6:10 am. I am abruptly woken by a fierce poking on my left shoulder. I spin around in bed, heart pounding and eyes blurry to find Jessi standing there, wide eyed and ready to go. "Mom, can I watch Spongebob?" I say pretty much the same thing every single time. "Jessi, it's way too early to be up...." "I'm not tired, can I watch tv?"
This is our routine every morning that I don't already have to be up to get the kids ready for school. Do you know how annoying that is in the dead of summer when most of the other kids are actually still sleeping? Of course, when the tv goes on, and the cupboards start to open and close (Jessi has to eat while she is watching), Joe and Colby are promptly up and going. So, there I am, bright and early on a Saturday morning, with kids that should be sleeping. Not fun.

I want it, they don't. I crave it, they fight it. I don't understand why they don't want it and all I want is it. Contradiction for sure. Oh well, someday my home will be too quiet and I will crave the days when tiny hands and a cute little faces grace the side of my bed. I am sure I will miss the days when the precious voices of my children are the only thing I want to hear first thing in the morning. Until then, I guess I will just have to grab a cat nap whenever I can.

Look

I look forward,
but just see clouds.
Do they bring me hope?

I look behind me,
see the good.
The good and the bad.

I look beside me,
there's so many there.
But the one that I need?

I look under me,
the ground is falling away.
Where to grasp?

I look to others,
those around me.
They seem to look through me.

I look inside,
there is so much.
Mazes, questions and fears.

I look away,
not wanting to know.
Where am I now?

I look in a mirror,
nothing is looking back.
I realize I am blind.