She will be 18 in one week. McKenna, my oldest I mean. I swear it was just yesterday I found out I was pregnant and my world was so far removed from where I am today. I wasn't married, I was living with friends, I was working full time at The University of Utah Hospital as an ecg tech and I had such foolish ideas on what it meant to be a parent.
I tired hard, I cleaned all the time and I worked full time. I was young, thin and determined. I swear it was just yesterday and yet when I look in the mirror now I see a much older woman with years of experience and time behind me. I hope I have years more to go. I will say that I know I have yet to learn all I can from life, from Jon, my kids and my siblings...but I have learned so much already. I decided recently that life is a journey, not the destination. I fall down, often by my own choices, then I pick myself up try to keep going. I try.
Kenna is becoming an adult and with that comes adult choices. She is thinking about college, she is thinking of moving out and she dates guys with a different attitude than she used to. Girls start to look forward sooner than boys...but that's just my opinion. How fast is it going to be when I look at my younger kids and see them graduating high school and looking forward to the future. Sometimes I feel like I will be here, right where I am at forever. Little kids, diapers, preschools and sippy cups. I know those days are almost gone for me and I am ok with that.
Life is constantly changing, I would like to think I am capable of changing with it. I want to move forward, I want to be a better person to myself and those around me. I want those around me to feel I benefit their lives and make them better. I will have grand kids sooner than I think and I want to be a happy positive influence to them.
I want to keep moving forward....