I have the worst anxiety. Anyone who knows me knows that. I never sleep. Late nights are the worst. I lie awake late at night worrying over any little thing and every little thing. My kids, my finances, my relationships, even my lost cause pets at times.
I tend to find some peace in old movies, sweet romances and action thrillers. I love all those movies and for some reason they tend give me comfort and quiet my mind like nothing else can late at night.
I do acknowledge that I need to figure it out. Figure out why I don't sleep, figure out why I worry so much about things when I should be regaining my strength for the next day of kids, questions, bare naked bums that need to be washed, laundry and loads of dishes.
It did dawn on me tonight that maybe one of the reasons I spend my nights up is that my mind is so completely full of the basics of life during the day that I never get the chance to work anything out in my mind. I never get the chance to worry over anything, or work anything out during the day. There is just so much going on, and so many demands on me that I just don't get the chance. Night time is it. This is my chance to let my mind wander, let my mind absorb everything that went on during the day and try to work through some of it.
I haven't made note of whether or not this is all worse during the summer when all the kids are home or not. I will admit this summer I have been impatient and preoccupied. Now I truly think most of this has to do with the remodel. I honestly believe that when its all done...which should be within the next few days, my life will calm down considerably. The kitchen is the hub of the home and when it's in disarray it makes life so much more difficult. My kitchen is finally almost where it should be, and should have been from the day we moved in. It's finally not only livable but really really nice. That alone is going to make my life easier. And since I got most of it painted yesterday it truly is almost done. Just a few details. I love it!
Back to me and my rambling mind. For my kids sake I need to figure myself out. Figure out why I am losing sleep and making every ones life more difficult by being tired all day long. I need to figure out why my mind can't rest when it needs to be and is going a million miles an hour.
Maybe it's just that this is the only time of day when I get a turn on the tv? That might just be it....